Before Sunrise

Dear Darling,

There's disagreements and misunderstandings these days...but I just miss you.

Dear darling,

I miss you... say we'll be together and say it will be forever...

Dear Darling,

I know I am supposed to be supportive and understanding. But I am still a little bit sad and disappointed. I've had dreams of us being more and more distant spiritually and emotionally. It sometimes feels like as if we are just some normal companies like the others living in this world, replacable to each other, being together for having no other choices. That's what I am afraid. Your promises seem so unreal to me since recently. I am afraid that very soon we are going to end up like many other couples, becoming more and more unwilling to keep some time for each other... I am writing this with tears running down my face. Is it a low before a high? I am feeling uneasy...The other day, I met Dan at the bus station. He asked me why we hadn't got married yet. I told him it was not our problem but the parents'.  Now I am not sure about that any more.

I hate the ones who has been keeping you busy. And I even envy your collegues for being able to see you everyday.  Of course I understand you, but I have my needs. Maybe you can understand me without any doubt, but you just can't do anything. Or you just haven't realized it's a problem. But for me, a suspicious girl, a paranoid, it probably indicatea a serious crisis.

         Two days later would be my 30th birthday. I used to swear that if I didn't get married before that, I would just adopt a child and raise him or her by myself. But when this finally comes, neither happens. I am still not married, nor am I with a child. Last year, I had this pure simple wish to get married before my 30th birthday, but it is not allowed...Sometimes, life is just like this, you have so many wishes, but only a few will come true...You can only signed: that's life...But I am still content and thankful. At least I still feel I am blessed. Blessed to have you. On my 30th birthday, it seems that I will still have to work...

Dear baby,

I missed you so much. It's been a tough week for me. A lot of thinking on my mind. Tonight my dad talked about the wedding with me and I was suddenly enthusiastic about it. But I couldn't help wondering : am I all alone on this. Do you feel the same? I miss you so much. Could we finnally be together?

Dear darling,

I missed you very much. You were so busy that I could barely talk to you and look into your eyes. I sometimes wonder whether we are truly meant to be together. The real communication between two intimate lovers haven't been banging since recently. You know why I love playing those boring games? That's because I am feeling very lonely. You used to promise me you will meet me in heaven. But you are not even sure whether you believe in heaven or not. Yes, busy, busy, busy...You are under satan's yoke. I know I am supposed to show you some support and understanding. But my heart doesn't always listen to my mind. I could persuade myself to stay calm and patient, but I just couldn't control my disappointment. I kept telling myself this is the reflection of Jesus' feeling towards us disobedient children. But I just couldn't help feeling unhappy. Tonight I watched a movie about an unsatiable love affair, in which both parts asked too much from each other and then they ended up going different ways knowing that their desires needed to be restrained. I know it's a warning for couples in love. And I will keep in mind. But I still miss you. And everytime I miss you, I will search the internet for your writings. Occasionally I would find some painful writings of you dated back to the days when you didn't know me. After our aquaintance, you have scarcely written anything, only one article in last May, calling me an angel, which moved me a lot and did work to arouse some passion in my heart when I read it later. I suppose this is partly due to the fact that you are really very very busy--your new boss has been toiling you lately. But I still want to tell you. I love the way you used to express your feelings, very touching. I am a girl of too much thinking and insecurity, I need your assurance every now and then...Yes, I am weak, very weak, oh, Lord!

Now all my heart is singing, I miss you I miss you baby I miss you...

My Love,

I am so worried about your health. Do you know? I prayed to God to give you some relief. Why didn't he answer? I thought maybe you were working the wrong way and I prayed him to stop you if you did. But when I saw you suffer, I almost burst into regrets...My heart's torn...

My dear,

       Today we got the key to our home. Will that day come true? If my eyes are fixed on this world, my hope would be very little...I kept reminding myself. My love, everytime I have to part with you, I am sad and every little detail can turn my faith over if I didn't rely on God. Hope you can feel his blessing when you are down.

Dear Darling,

I love you so much and I know you love me very much. But sometimes I don't mind reading about it when I miss you. That would ease my anxiety a little bit...coz the more I love you the more I feel insecure about your love and the more I am afraid of losing you...Maybe I'm just not sure about God's blessing. But I just couldn't help being a paranoid sometimes...I quite enjoyed this afternoon when we were together... And I would take them into my dream and re-expereience them over and over again...